Blog 1

Quotes

Camilla Kao Camilla Kao

Fire Drill

There was a fire drill at which students spoke to me three times. A’mari said, “Ms. Kao, I want you to teach a lesson.” A moment later, she asked, “Ms. Kao, what kind of shoes do you have?” (I answered, “Sketchers”.) Marjorie asked, “Ms. Kao, how old are you?”

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Cake

“You can eat cake on my birthday.” - AEM

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Camilla Kao Camilla Kao

1, 2, 3

1

I give to you a portrait of yourself. How did your feel when receiving it? In your father’s text, you look serious, revered. You look as if you are posing to show the portrait’s resemblance to yourself.

Earlier in your brother’s and your lives, I gave to you both many gifts. But none were like this portrait, done by my free hand. Upon seeing a photograph of the work in progress, you asked your father about the original, “Can I have it?” He smiled and answered, “Maybe when you are older.”

Now I work on a portrait of your brother. My instructor and I corrected the eyes, creating a better resemblance, and I feel relief.

2

When you were born, I spent the night with your brother. It was the only occasion that I have spent a night alone with a child. He was one month shy of five years old. He slept on a mattress on the floor of the family room. I lay up on your long white sofa, I parallel to your brother down on the floor. Throughout the night, I gazed down at your brother and did not sleep, watching him sleep and occasionally breathe deeply and twist and turn. His youth was beauty to me. Finally by the morning I dozed off. Suddenly I awoke and saw your brother standing a distance away, he short behind the recliner and regarding me. This switching of roles was funny.

He came to the sofa to sit close to me, on my left-hand side, and we began to read a book together. But soon your dad entered the front door, you having been safely born during the night, and called your brother to get ready for school. I was sad to leave this intimacy with your brother.

In subsequent years, your brother repeatedly asked me, “Can you sleep over again?” I never knew what to answer. Even when he was 9 and learned that I would be returning from the San Francisco Bay Area to Houston, he said, his recall surprising me, “But you haven’t slept over again yet.”

3

One late afternoon when he was four years old, before you were born, your brother was sitting close to me on my right at Gott’s Roadside in Palo Alto. Your parents and a cousin of mine were also sitting on the bench outside. While the latter three were talking, your brother said to me, “My mom, my dad, and Andy will talk to each other. You and I will talk to each other.” I concurred. Later, suddenly your brother leaned against me, looked up toward my face, and declared, “I love you, Cammy!” Overwhelmed, I hugged him and said equally strongly in return, “I love you, S—!”

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Race

Text message: “Today i had a race for my school.” - SWM

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2024

“I want to do math with Cammy.” - AEM

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Estelle

Cammy: “Have you been to Hawaii?”
Estelle: “I haven’t.?

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Camilla Kao Camilla Kao

Content Exam

Last Friday, the day after July 4, at the last minute I took the certification exam for teaching Math Grades 4-8 in Texas public schools. I went to a testing site near my house. The exam had 100 questions and was allotted 5 hours. I finished in 2.5 hours. The exam comprised basically the same math that I have been teaching my ex-husband’s 11-year-old son since January.

Yesterday I got my scores. As a percentage, a passing score is 70% or higher. I got 99%. The score range is 100-300, a passing score is 240 or higher, and my score is 298.

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Camilla Kao Camilla Kao

Lottery

Being later rather than earlier in life, I ponder how I would spend my time if I won, in this case it would be required, multiple lotteries: I would retire in Palo Alto, California, taking art classes, at least watching, if not working my way towards doing ballet classes, and eating my meals at The Village Pub, where I would order truffles whenever I felt like it.

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Holden

“Holden runs 20 mph, and he’s really fast.” - SWM

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Flood

I remembered to give him an opportunity to ask a question, and a flood of quiet talking came out.

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Camilla Kao Camilla Kao

Really Good

Life is about whether something is “really good”, ie well done, as opposed to hard or easy.

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Camilla Kao Camilla Kao

Haiku

I asked you by text,
‘Can sentences flow over?’
‘It should be 3 lines.’

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Camilla Kao Camilla Kao

Jordi

“Anytime.” The Uber driver Jordi had started talking to me matter-of-factly. I was just a human bystander. “We used to come here a lot,” he said, and a treasured memory followed.

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Camilla Kao Camilla Kao

Tuve

I have to take it as “Estuvo divertido”, although that is not exactly what I heard.

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Delta

Delta chooses not to have tattoos because she considers what those tattoos would be like on herself at eighty years old. That is a consideration of someone not afraid of getting old.

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Otra Vez

My first real words in Spanish, urgent, were “otra vez”, “again”, spoken just like that, in Spanish followed by English. These words were spoken the other day. Words that I needed at the same time, but had to look up later, were “No entiendo español”. These words expressed what I wanted to say when two grade school children individually spoke to me as if I would naturally understand them.

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Daniel

“You coming home from work?”
“No, I was at a gym.”
“It’s too far.”
“It’s a class.”
“Everyday?”
“Three times a week.”

Toward the end of a long silent drive, in the dark, it was worth it for the Uber driver Daniel to speak normally to me from the front seat, he looking in the rear view mirror at me, even though right now my appearance is abnormal, terrible.

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Camilla Kao Camilla Kao

Library

Upon arriving at the library, I saw a boy with red hair playing in the parking lot. He looked well-to-do, wearing a collared short-sleeved shirt. I was not sure how old he was, maybe seven. I was looking through the window.

I thought to myself that it is not good to be taken by physical beauty. I know nothing about the boy’s personality, although he was running hard amiably.

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